To the person needing to hear this, I am here for you, I understand you, and I care about you.
I wish there was a more elegant way to put it. I wish there was something I could say that would magically mend your broken heart. Something instant. Something miraculous. The truth is, there’s not. You can’t make someone love you. And it SUCKS. It hurts and is confusing. It feels like your emotions are trying to destroy you. You are not in charge of how someone feels. You can’t convince someone to care. You can’t persuade them to look at you the way you look at them. You aren’t responsible for proving how lovable you are or how worthy you are. All you can do is focus on yourself. Give yourself time. Letting go is never easy, but sometimes it’s the only option. What are you waiting for? For someone to change their mind? For something unrequited to become requited? Stop. Stop wishing. Stop hoping. Stop sitting around waiting. Someone will come along and you won’t have to beg them to see you. Someone will meet you and all your wonderful attributes will be apparent. Someone who won’t be able to imagine a life without you. Someone who gives you the love you’ve been dispiriting aching for. For now, give yourself permission to move on. You can make someone love you back. Love yourself instead.
Sometimes you have to save yourself. You have to mend your broken heart. You have to be the person who decides to change their own story and rewrites a new one. Sometimes you need to give yourself the wake up call you need when you’re lost. You have to be the one who searches inside and outside for the truth, for your passion, for where you belong and what kind of life you want to live. You shouldn’t wait for an opportunity to knock on your door or for someone to save your life. Sometimes you have to break your own heart with the truth instead of living a lie. You have to leave certain people behind, confront those who wronged you in the past and walk away from the people you once loved. You have to knock some sense into yourself and force yourself to move on, to stop waiting, to stop wondering, you deserve better, that you shouldn’t settle and that you should wait for a love that matches the one you’re willing to give. Sometimes you have to get comfortable with being alone. Because at the end of the day, no one knows who you really are when all your masks fall off, no one sees what you see, no one feels what you feel and no one knows what truly keeps you up at night. You have to be your own person, you have to hold your own hand because you won’t always be lucky enough to find someone who understands your journey or stands by you until you make it. You won’t always find people willing to climb a certain mountain with you. Sometimes you have to climb alone– it’s exhausting, tiring, and draining. But once you get to the top, everything will look so small. Everything will make sense. You’ll be glad you made it, even if you’re the only one enjoying the view.
The best revenge is self love. The best revenge is working on yourself. Forget about getting even, forget about making them regret the day they hurt you. Let karma handle that, just focus on becoming a better version of yourself. The best revenge is not caring what other people think; not letting their actions affect you, not seeing yourself through their eyes, not trying so hard to impress them and learning that they’re not superior just because they have things that you don’t have. The best revenge is learning to let go rather than hold on. Letting go is truly liberating and it shows you have faith in God. Sometimes when we don’t feel good about ourselves, we hold on to things that could sabotage our happiness or people who don’t really value us or love us. But when you learn how to let go of situations or people who are making it more difficult than it should be, it means that you’ve reached a healthy level of self-love because you’re letting go even though you don’t have any backup, you don’t know what’s next but you’re not afraid. You feel like God is looking out for you, you’re confident in your abilities to stat over or find someone better. You have learned how to be strong, courageous and not afraid of the unknown. You know that you can handle whatever comes your way. The best revenge is loving who you are now until you become the person you want to be. Loving your imperfect self. Learning from your mistakes. Knowing that you’re not defined by them or by your past. Loving your journey with its ups and downs. Learning that everyone who couldn’t love you is also fighting their own battles and confused about their own journey. Believing that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be and focusing on making the best out of the life you’ve been given instead of hating yourself for not living the life you want to live. The best revenge is learning how to be content and happy, even if the odds are against you.
At first, I was hurt. I was angry. I was bitter but then I became grateful because when you let me down, you made me change my life. Thank you for taking your love away from me. Thank you for not telling me things I needed to hear to love myself. Thank you for not showering me with the love and support I needed to thrive. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I’ll never find love in your arms because you forced me to fight for another kind of live. You forced me to love myself without your help and you forced me to look for the kind of love you never had, the kind of love you never knew. You made me realize that all you knew was a hostile kind of love. The kind of love that hurts and offends people. The kind of love that keeps score. The kind of love that turns into a war of who cares less, who’s always wrong and who can lose faster. Thank you for showing what kind of love I really don’t need in my life. Thank you for letting me down. Thank you for leaving. Thank you for the hurt, for the confusion. You forced me to upgrade. You forced me to find myself. You forced me to find better and more loving people and you forced me to find a better life. A life where I don’t have to be condemned for being human, for making mistakes, for learning or for growing up. A life where I can be myself and still feel safe. A life where speaking up doesn’t cost you. A life where love is freely given without any tears, bruises, or injuries. A life, where I am happy. A life where I have finally stopped settling for the things I do not deserve.
Never settle for someone who treats you like a backup plan. Someone who puts you second instead of making you a first priority. Never settle for someone who picks and chooses when to answer your texts. Someone who makes you wait for a reply. Never settle for someone who tells you how much you mean to them, but never proves it. Someone who says all of the right things, but never does the right things. You should never be a part of the background. And afterthought. You should be the first and only person they think about when they wake up in the morning. You should be the person they can’t wait to see, the person they’re eager to text back. Wait for someone who shows up on time. Someone who follows through on their promises. Wait for someone who calls you up to deliver good news, because you’re the first person they thought of telling. Someone who makes an effort to include you in their life. Wait for someone who has an actual interest in what you have to say, not someone who wants you to be quiet so they can talk about their day. Not someone who is secretly thinking about other things while you speak. Wait for someone who makes it clear they care about you and they’re willing to commit to you. Someone who lets their friends, parents, and Facebook friends know that you are their person, forever and always. Please, never settle for someone who puts you second, because you deserve to be a first priority.
You should date someone that treats you terribly. Who treats you the way that makes all your friends wonder what the hell you are thinking. Find someone that treats you like shit/ Find someone who never texts you back and always lets you initiate plans. Find someone who uses you and can never seem to be there when you actually need them. Be with someone that doesn’t care about your needs, ambitions or your thoughts. Find someone that disappoints you repeatedly and never says sorry. Find someone that doesn’t care. And then date them and justify why you are the only one who gets them, who knows who they really are. Pretend like everything’s fine. Convince yourself that you can change their habits. Convince yourself that you can change them. Believe that if you stick around, they will like you even more for always being there when they weren’t the person you needed them to be. Date them even when you probably shouldn’t. And then get your heart broken. Be devastated by it, by them. Sit there, holding yourself together and wonder what you did wrong. Blame yourself for their issues. Blame yourself for why they treated you like shit. Date someone that treats you like shit. Because when you date someone that treats you like shit, you will realize how you actually want to be treated.
Tall and blonde were the two things I felt like I needed to be for me to have more attention from him instead of her getting it all. When I found out about the other girl I cried so hard I puked for two days straight. It hurt. It hurt badly. I couldn’t tell her about him and I because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings even though mine were already hurt. The night of the show at Skyway I cried until I couldn’t breathe when I found out he went with her instead of me. I wore my heart on my sleeve for him and all he did was make me regret every second of it. I now can’t see him and pretend like he didn’t hurt me when he gave her attention. I can’t pretend like it doesn’t bother me every time I see him and think he picked her over me. There were more days than I can count that I wondered why I wasn’t good enough. There were more days than I can count that I wondered if I could even find the strength to get out of bed. Because the thing is I’ve never been someone’s first choice. I’m always their backup plan. I’m never the person someone makes plans with first, I’m someone they make plans with after their first plans fall through. I tried really hard and I learned no matter how much you try some people will never be satisfied. I’ve also learned that usually the best people are ones that come as a surprise. But the best people also continue to surprise you. Through all the hurt and pain he gave me some of the best moments of my life. He didn’t fit into my neat pre-packaged plan. It was mess and inconvenient at times. I never want to forget him but forgiving him will take a long time. He told me he really liked me, he got my hopes up. He wrote “u r cute” on my front window and ever since I haven’t touched it when I clean my car and that’s all I need to look at when I’m having a bad day.