No Longer Waiting For Him

I do not wait for his messages anymore. I do not wonder about where he may be or who he is with anymore. I do not have these contradicting thoughts in my head whether I should send him a message first or not because I do not want to be so desperate and obvious that I am still in love with him. I do not intentionally go to that place where we used to hangout, anymore. I would rather go home directly and watch tv or call my friend and see if they want to go do something, instead. I do not have this heavy feeling in my chest that I have to carry around like it is not dragging me down when in reality it is. I do not have to pretend to be happy anymore because being happy comes naturally now. I have less sleepless nights because he is not on my mind that much anymore. He makes a slight appearance in my mind from time to time but it does not bring back all the pain that I have felt before. It does not make me want to cry or want to listen to sad songs all day long. He is just simply up there in my mind. I no longer think that the sad songs that I hear are written for me, anymore. When I see him, I still feel something; but that is normal. But when I see him I do not want him back anymore. I do not wish in my head that he would talk to me first or that he would not leave too early. I do not try to flirt with him to make him realize what he is missing out on. I do not try and make him jealous by talking to other guys. I know he is there but I do not mind so much anymore. I focus on myself now and what I am doing with my life. I have finally established a routine that does not involve him. I can finally smile unpretentiously and my chest feels lighter then ever because I am no longer carrying the burden of him around anymore. I have finally moved on. I have tried and have done enough to fight for him. I never thought this day would come but it is here now and it was worth the wait.


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