Everything is Getting to Me…

Today is just one of those days where everything is getting to me. I seriously tell myself everyday that I need to stop caring for people who only come to me when they need something or that I need to stop caring for people who act like they doing give a fuck about me. That is my problem. I am always caring for people who do not even deserve it. People can do me so shitty and I will still be there for them and still care for them, and let me tell you it sicks being so  “down to earth, kind, and having a big heart” because let me tell you I do have  big heart. I am always open to listen to people and what is going on in their life and giving them the best advice I possibly can but that is really the only time someone ever talks to me and it is becoming irritating as fuck. I just want to have that consistency with someone. The consistency where we talk morning and night just about anything and everything. Where we feel so comfortable and secure around one another that if we say something “silly” or “outrageous” that we still know that the other one will not judge. But these days it is so rare to find someone who will stay consistent in your life because people these days are temporary which sucks. It sucks how people are so temporary these days because if you open up to them and then they leave, you are like “well what the fuck? Was it something I said? Was I not good enough?” It is like when people leave or are inconsistent in our lives it seriously makes us have all these questions on wondering why or what happened and these questions you really never get answers to. It is just frustrating especially when you have a huge heart and just is ready for the one person to show you that they are there for you, that they stick by your side throughout the darkest days and the brightest days. Someone that is going to love you and adore you when you’re at your weakest point and just want to quit. But finding that person just seems impossible. I know everything takes time but it just blows my mind and irritates the hell out of me how people just come in and out of my life and the sad thing is, is I allow them to  because I always feel that if someone needs me that I will be there for them. I think it is time for me to change the way I let people come in my life. If they are not bringing any positives to my life or are being inconsistent then I just need to delete them completely from my life no matter how difficult it may be because really it is not being any helpful to me by just always letting them come back in whenever they feel like it.

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