I Forgive You…

I forgive you. You never apologized for everything that you ever put me through and you probably didn’t even notice any of it because people usually don’t notice things they don’t care about, and that’s what I was to you. I was just another person that existed, I was just another person that made you feel like you were worth something. All you ever did was make me feel incomplete. I’d wonder why all day you did not care about me the way I cared about you. I always knew what i was to you but I tried to ignore it for so long, I convinced myself otherwise because when you know that the person you care about, does not even give one care in the world about you something inside you shuts off and I couldn’t deal with that and I didn’t want to accept that so I kept trying to see something that was never there. I think that’s what destroyed me in the end, knowing the reality of what we were but trying to look past that and find something that wasn’t there.  I forgive you for all of it. I forgive you for the nights I stayed up crying because you chose her. I forgive you for leaving and then coming back just so you could leave all over again. I forgive you for the things that you said when you and I both knew you didn’t mean them. And I forgive you for using me. I forgive myself for everything that I put myself though. I forgive myself for letting myself believe that you really were the greatest part of me. I forgive myself for caring about you when you weren’t worth a damn thought. Because after stepping away, I see it all so clearly now. After I accepted what I really was to you, everything else made more sense. I destroyed myself in loving you and caring about you and for that I am so sorry but when I say I forgive you, I mean I forgive myself, I forgive giving so much of myself to someone that didn’t care how my day was going. I forgive myself for all the hurt I endured.


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