3.3.15 journal

It’s okay to break. It’s okay to fall. It’s okay to cry. How can you hold it all in when all you had with someone disaapears so suddenly? They left but the memories stayed with you. It is hard, it really is. Especially when you’ve given them everything and they don’t put any effort in to make it work. Gosh it hurts. You can’t help but think about all the what ifs and what you could’ve done differently. But don’t. You can’t learn if bad things like this don’t happen. You can’t sop thinking about how you both started off happy and loved each other and now! You can’t even have a straight conversation. You’re just strangers. But ghee is a reason why everything happens. You’re going to find out why in the furtive and you’re going to thank him for letting you go. But maybe it’s just for now. All of this is normal. It’s life. It’s hard to meet the right person in your first, second, or even third try. You meet people and lose people and some are going to stay in your life but some people change. You learn from all of it and it only gets better from here on out as long as you keep moving forward. So let it all out and let all the tears and all the memories leave. Leave the past behind where it belongs. It is time to move on and become the better person you deserve to be. You don’t need your happiness to be depenant on anyone, it never had before. Non of this is important later on in life. Love yourself fore someone else. Remember, it’s just memories you miss and there are 7 billion people on the planet, don’t get hung up on any one person. It’s not worth it anymore.

Dear God, 

I can’t see the future but you can. I have some doubts, but I am sure your ways are better than mine. I trust you with my whole heart and if it is in your will for him and I to be together it will happen. 

Amen. 

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Dear Future Husband,

I do not know if I have met you already, or if God will cross our paths sometime in the future. But, I am doing my best to live according to God’s will, so I can not imagine who the guy is that he has set aside for me. I know you are going to be an amazing man of God; I am so excited to grow with you in a spiritual way. I am praying that whatever difficult trials you are going through right now, God blesses you with the faith and confidence to push through. I pray that no matter how hard life gets, you continue to keep fighting the good fight of faith with the armor of CHRIST. I pray that God is using you to be a leader. I pray that God equips you with the will-power to say “no” and to stand up for what you believe in. I pray that you resist the devil and that God has His angels around you at all times protecting you. I pray that you continually feel God’s love. And I can assure you that God is teaching me His way of love, so I can truly love you. I do not know who you might be, or where you are at right now, but what I do know is that we are designed to complete each other. I am praying for you daily. I am praying that God will be with you no matter the situation, to comfort you, protect you, and strengthen you until the day He brings us both together in union.

With Love,

Your future wife

 

 

Purpose…

I have been struggling honestly with just figuring out what my purpose is, who to have in my life in order to help me grow, and how to reach my full potential. I came to the conclusion that we do not always understand where God is taking us, but He is always leading you somewhere. Trust Him and follow where He is directing you. Friend, if you are struggling with something similar and do not know where your place in this world is, do not give up on finding it. Do not give up on it finding you. Do not give up period. Trust the process, trust the events that take place, trust that there is a place for you and a purpose for you. 

What Is Love?

I was asked the other day in family relations what is love to me. I responded fast with the answer “Doing things for a person without questioning it or wanting something out of it and doing it for the benefit of them not you.” My teacher was pleasantly surprised because most people’s parents tell them growing up saying “Do not cross oceans for people that would not cross puddles for you!” To me that is not love. Not at all. No cross that ocean just do it. Love people, all people. No conditions attached, no weather or not they are worthy. Cross oceans climb mountains for those people. Live and love it is not about what you gain, it is about what you give. I have learned this really fast some say it is because I am growing up a christian and have loving parents but to an extent parents can only influence you so much. There is no perfect definition of love no one will ever have the same everyone is growing up or has grown up differently. Love is unconditional to an imperfect person. God gave each and everyone of us this definition when he sent is only son to die on the cross for the goodness of others and to me that was a perfect act.

Church 10.18.15

Today at church it started just like any normal Sunday. I would come in to the church through the front doors, go to our usual pew. Church went on and soon it ended. I just sat in the church pew while everyone got up and went about there day. This lady came up by me and sat down and put her hand on my shoulder and said “The Lord wants me to know that no matter what He will never leave.” Those words are exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment. I am not here to tell you to believe in God or not but, miracles like that really do happen! Sometimes people need to be encouraged. People need to be reminded of how wonderful they are. People need to be believed in, told that they are brave and smart and capable of accomplish all the dreams they have and more or just sometimes that no matter what the the Lord will never leave you no matter what. We need to remind each other of this, and today I think that lady did just that for me. God is just like that lady in a somewhat silent way. Tonight I was taking my shower and I looked up to the top of the shower and as I felt the water beating against my chest, I noticed that God’s love is like a running faucet. God’s love never stops and it never dries out. I turned around and as the water hit my back, I noticed that even when we turn away from God that the love never stops. I reached my arms up towards the shower head and made a barrier with my hands. The water still pounded against me like torrential rain. We can not stop God from loving us. As I stepped out from the shower I noticed there was still water dripping off me. The water that drips off is like the love that we have for each other. I want Gods love to drip off me everywhere that I go.