Your First Love

Your first love is something you’ll never forget. Even if they didn’t love you back, you’ll remember everything about them. You’ll remember how they smelled amazing. You’ll remember how they made you laugh. You’ll remember how you stayed up late together. You’ll remember every little thing about them until it hurts. You’ll also remember every little thing about them unit it hurts. You’ll also remember the day they fell in love with someone else and that will hurt even more. Pretty soon they’ll be hanging out with their love more than you. Pretty soon you’ll stop thinking about them for awhile. Pretty soon you’ll meet someone else. Someone else who smells amazing to you. Someone else who makes you laugh. Someone else who stays up late with you. Then in a moment, you’ll fall in love and they’ll love you back.

Two Things to Never Forget

1. If you fucked up today, that’s okay. You’re still smart, good, and people still love you.
2. If you’re in a dark place today, that’s okay. Even if you feel like you can’t get out of bed, and all you can do is breathe, that’s okay. You breathe, take the time you need, and we’ll be here when you are ready.

Everyday is a battle. On some. You demolish whatever’s ahead of you. On others, you just have to hang on for dear life. Either way, you are a fighter. Don’t forget that.

This is How You Stay Afloat:

Here is the thing you will never know until it is too late, you are so busy chasing after someone else’s dreams, for them, that you forget you have some dreams yourself too. And when you wake up from this nightmare, it will feel like coming up for air after holding your breath underwater for too long. It will feel like the part where you say, “I love you, but I cannot stay,” and walk away from something or someone that has been hurting you . You will begin to feel blood rushing through your veins again. You will realize how blue the sky actually is because you start paying attention to everything around you. You will begin to listen to your heart, your intuitions, and you will know what feels right. You will find out who you can be without chasing after dreams that are not yours because they do not define who you are. That is when clarity hits, the moment the storm passes, and walking out that door never felt so right. Make no mistake that this is just the beginning. Maybe where you are right now is at the bottom of the put, put it only marks the beginning of an uprising, a roar in the silence, a bolt of thunder that strikes the sky. We all start somewhere. And when you choose to not be reduced by what has happened to you, you remember those events as living stories. On days when you are feeling nostalgic, retrieve them where they are stored at the back of your mind. You look back and smile at what has happened, but longing to go back to relive the moment, but when you finally come to your senses, you would not wish for things to be better than they were. You will not be homesick for a place that no longer exists. Take comfort in knowing that these thoughts about being better, waiting to do more for yourself, seeking for something to believe in again- they are signs of rising strong. This is how you stay afloat.

Too Long For Twitter #15 (Live For Yourself)

There’s so much more to life than funding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.

Too Long For Twitter #14 (Thinking of You)

I used to spend so much of my time thinking about you. I was convinced that I could fix us. That I could figure out where we went wrong and make everything okay again. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was before we became such different people. But we both changed; there’s no denying it. We are still in each others lives, but in a new way now, a less involved, but still some sort of way. And I’m accepting it. I don’t mind it so much anymore. I will be okay eventually. Change is good.

I Will Always Be Here For You

I will always be there for you, even if we have been apart for years. Even if the world changed every little part of you. I will always find the person that I once loved and the person you once were. I will always be there for you. I do not care how many times you let me down or how many times you walked away. I will always forgive you and I will always forget the nights you made me suffer. I will always be there for you because simply I will always want to. I will never stop wanting to help you or give you a shoulder to cry on. I will never stop opening my heart to you. See, you are the one who taught me that loving is giving. That love is always being there for someone even if they are no longer yours. You are the closest thing I had to unconditional love, you are the one who showed me what my heart is capable of and what my love can do. Without you, I would have been lost, I would not have known what love is or what it feels like. Without you, I would have been under some false illusion that love sucks or that love does not exist. So here I am, and I promise you- I will always be there when you need me. I will always be someone you can count on. I will always be the one you can lean on and the one you can trust. And if you do not know this by now, as long as you have me, you will never be alone. As long as you have me, you will never feel unloved. 

10 things I Think About After You Left

1. After you left, I missed you longer than I thought I would.
2. I compare everyone I met after you with you.
3. No matter how much love you put into a relationship, time has a special talent of dulling your feelings
4. The times I spent crying over you was really time wasted. I don’t even remember any of the reasons now. To be honest, even our love felt a little surreal.
5. I can’t remember our times together, and sometimes I can’t even recall how you look. But I still can’t get you out of my head.
6. I used to dream about us getting back together, but now I know it will never happen.
7. I wonder if we would end up together if we didn’t meet so early.
8. I would really love to meet you again now, purely as friends.
9. I still read the texts you wrote me from years back, and they still make me smile every time.
10. It has been 2 years, and yet you are still able to inspire me to write.

Too Long For Twitter #13 (I Wish I Mattered Enough to You)

Maybe we’re all just looking for someone who cares enough to try. Someone who has never had the best memory, but remembers the little things about you. Someone who has always been a little shy, but opens up to you. Someone who has never been good at keeping a conversation going, but can’t shut up around you. Someone who hates driving on the highway, but spends hours on it just to get to you. Were not hoping to change them, no, we’re just hoping to matter enough to them.

Too Long For Twitter #12 (The Secret)

The secret isn’t to find someone you love spending time with- I love spending time with a lot of people. The secret isn’t to find someone that you find attractive- I find a lot of people attractive for many different reasons. The secret isn’t to find someone who is nice- there are tons of nice people in the world. THe secret is to find someone who wants exactly what you want. Someone who is ready to give you all they’ve got, and in turn be ready to accept all the love you have to give. The world is filled with people in relationship of “loves you more” and “I have to act mean so they will like me back” or “I am just not ready.” Please do not waste any more of your precious time. You are an amazing creature. You deserve to be loved until your insides melt. Don’t give up on all the things you want. When you meet the right person you will have zero doubt in your mind. Zero.

Being in Love Sucks

You know what sucks about this generation these days? It is love. So many people take advantage of others who have the heart and desire to love them all because of what the past has done to them and they are “too scared” to get hurt. I get it we all have broken pieces and we all are afraid of risking hearts of getting broken again but do people realize that life is too short? Life is supposed to be about taking risks. If someone in your past cheated on you and broke your heart, fuck them because the next person that comes along may just treat you way better than the last person did. Yeah it may take time to get over them, but sometimes it takes just one special person to help you get over them ad help you open your eyes and see you deserve so much better than how the last person treated you. It just fucking sucks because here I am someone who is willing to love someone unconditionally, give them my all, be loyal to them and be their backbone when things are tough, but it is  like it is either not wanted or appreciated.The amount of times I have heard “You are a great person but…(insert excuse here)” is just way too many times to even count. I get it, God has a reason for everything, but damn do I see guys that have a great girl but fuck it up because they think it is “cool;” to have more than one girl or a girl is stick on a guy that does not give two shits about her but deep down she still thinks there is a way with words and her actions that she many have the power to change his ways of showing he cares but let’s be real he will not change even if the guy says he will. I get it, it may be hard to let go, because it is hard fro a lot of us to let that one special person go but it is just sad and pretty pathetic how love is handled and labeled these days. I mean to me, love is a spark you should feel when you two are in the same room, being able to go to bed without having to worry if one is out cheating on you, enjoying eachothers company and just being faithful to one another. I take love seriously because it is something special to me. When I love someone I want it to be long term, hell I want it to be the person I marry but sometimes it does not work out in our favor. Sometimes our love and effort go unappreciative and that is what is shitty about this generation these days. Honestly, it is just something that has been on my mind lately, just how some relationships have no effort and there is one putting in more effort than the other. People can sit there and tell you what you want to hear because they either fucking feel bad because they do not feel the same so they do not want to hurt you. Fuck, be real with me, tell me that you do not see something with me instead of playing mind games making me fall for your words. My biggest problem is believing people’s words over actions. My problem is I love with my heart and not my head. I go into things with my heart on my sleeve and with my mind open because my mom just raised me to have a big heart. I will be honest, these past few months for me, have been the shittiest. I have put effort in people and the effort is not put back. I care more for people than they do that to me. They can sit there and say they “care” for me but let me tell you that their actions are poor. I mean I have been more in a big hole lately and the amount of times I have been there for people, no one seems to help me but give me advies such as “It is going to be okay” or “God’s timing is everything” but really sometimes things are not going to be okay for a long ass time especially when you give people your all and you feel like it is not appreciated one bit.